


No Secrets

by CherryTreeBlosom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Recovering Addict Sam Winchester, Supportive Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28425729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryTreeBlosom/pseuds/CherryTreeBlosom
Summary: Sam has a secret that he wants to share with Eileen. Dean thinks he should go for it.
Relationships: Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	No Secrets

Dean had never seen a look quite like this one on his brother’s face. Sam didn’t just look nervous, he looked like he was about to be sent to an early grave. 

Dean had been having a great day. Sam had already started his run, as usual, long before Dean woke up. Bobby had just agreed to let him work on the restoration of a 1975 Camaro on his own. He’d successfully gotten the number of a very cute, very awkward blue eyed angle that drove one of the worst cars Dean had ever seen. 

When Dean walked into the apartment he shared with Sam he hadn’t expected to see him sitting in the kitchen, head in his hands. Sam was supposed to be at the library. Because he was always at the library these Days. Sam was supposed to come home after the library closed and promptly inform his brother about everything he’d learned that day.

Before Dean could ask what was wrong, Sam moaned loudly. He moved to close the door and lock it. After he slapped his keys down Dean saw two empty brown glass bottles on the kitchen countertop, and a third in Sam’s hand, he did a double take. 

Sam saw Dean’s face and beat his question “They’re root-beer Dean don’t worry.” Dean could feel his body relaxing just a bit.

After it was made clear that Sam wasn’t going to get the ball rolling Dean cleared his throat and spoke. “Sammy… not that I don’t enjoy seeing you here so early on a weekday. But what happened?” 

“I got freaked out today Dean.” He muttered. 

“Care to elaborate?” Dean asked, working hard to keep the edge out of his voice. 

Sam stood up then and moved further into their apartment towards the couch they kept in front of the tv. The tension in the room was palpable. While Dean waited for his brother to explain himself, every possible nightmare scenario was running through his head. 

Did he relapse? No, those would have been stronger than root-beer if he had. Did Sam see Ruby? Impossible unless that bitch could come back from the dead. Did someone die? possible. Did that new girlfriend break up with him?A shame because she was one bad-ass.

Sam paced when he was nervous, and he looked like he was a few minutes away from leaving a hole in the living room rug. 

Finally he spoke, still moving which made Sam seem even more shaken. “Eileen asked me why I don’t want to go out with her on Friday night or any other night. Mainly she was a bit offended that I said no when she asked if we could meet at a bar.”

Sam had been dating Eileen for three weeks. They’d met about six months earlier in one of his law classes. Both brothers knew what this meant. “Sam, maybe it’s time to tell her.”

Sam shook his head. “I know I should. I should have already but God damnit Dean I don’t want to ruin this thing we’ve got going. She’s so great Dean.” He sounded defeated.

Dean moved towards Sam, sitting down below him before he replied. “Sammy, if she isn’t okay with it then she’s not the right girl for you and at least you’ll be finding out sooner rather than later.” 

That just generated a bitch face and another shake of the head from the younger Winchester. 

After another moment Sam stopped moving and fell back onto the couch next to Dean. Sam sat for a moment transfixed by his hands, flat over both knees. Dean was waiting for Sam to speak.

“I just like her so much Dean.” Sam admitted. “I’ve known her longer than I’ve ever known Jess and I’m worried that it’ll just hurt way more this time.” He looked up and gave Dean a look that nearly broke his damn heart. 

Dean reached out to put his hand on Sam’s shoulder before pulling back. “I know Sam, and if Eileen is so great that she’s not going to judge you for this. You keep saying she’s different than Jess, well this is her chance to prove it.” His brother looked poised to interrupt so Dean continued, “No Sam, you have a sickness, you’re not a bad person.” 

Sam nodded. He was starting to think that he had heard some variation of this little pep talk hundreds of times. Didn’t mean it stuck every time.

Sam looked Dean in the eyes before speaking again.“I know Dean. I probably know the fucking Narcotics Anonymous talking points better than you do okay? I know that you think she’s probably more empathetic to people who have faced difficulty. She can’t hear because of getting sick when she was a baby, I’m a leech on my family because I wanted to rebel against Dad. Even after two whole years sober I’m still tainted.” As he spoke the conviction bled out of his voice until he sounded broken and resigned to his version of reality.

Dean could feel the tears threatening to spill. He knew Sam still had low days but he had no idea Sam still thought of himself that way. 

“Sam look at me.” Dean pleaded. 

When Sam didn’t comply he got off of the couch, moving to kneel in front of Sam. He grabbed Sam’s hands to make sure that he was paying attention.

“Sam Winchester. You’re going to tell that girl. If she turns out to be a bitch about it you’re going to come back here and then we can shit-talk her all night.” When Sam still didn’t say anything Dean shook his shoulder a bit, “Okay?” He asked.

That somehow got a smile out of Sam. “Okay yeah, we can eat ice cream and pretend that you don’t love the rom-coms that you pick out for us.” 

*******

After his talk with Dean, Sam texted Eileen and asked her if she would meet for lunch the next day. Neither of them had class on Saturday and they were going to meet at a neutral location. Sam kept reminding himself that nothing could possibly go wrong from there.

Dean gave him a double thumbs up on the way out the door. Sam made a show of rolling his eyes, but he used that image of Dean as motivation during the entire walk to the cafe.

Sam arrived ten minutes before the predetermined time. However, as soon as he walked inside Sam noticed Eileen had already claimed one of the two person tables next to a window. He made his way to the line to order a black tea. While he waited he couldn’t stop looking across the room at her.

Eileen’s dark hair spilled over her face, tucked behind one ear while she rested her head against her palm. Her coffee sat neglected next to her. Her face was locked in concentration, eyes boring holes into the folded newspaper on the table. Sam realized she must be doing the Times’ Saturday crossword. He’d been around while Eileen worked on one of those before, everything became secondary. 

Once he got his beverage Sam made his way across the room. She noticed his shadow on the table before he even had to tap her on the shoulder. 

She stood and smiled. They hugged and Sam sat down in the aged wooden chair across from Eileen. 

“Hi Sam.” She said while signing. She was smiling which eased some of Sam’s nerves. 

“Hello.” He replied, signing too. 

With no hesitation she jumped in, “So I assume you want to talk about something pretty serious.” 

“Yeah. Yeah I uh well wanted to apologize for what I said.” He replied, trying to keep up with signs. Even on a good day he was still a novice and today his hands just would not steady. 

“Sam.” She interrupted. “You don’t need to sign right now.” 

“If you’re fine with that then I guess I’ll stop. I’m gonna have to use some words I don’t know yet.” He laughed. 

She smiled back, “I figured” she said nodding. 

Suddenly, Sam was very interested in his tea and took a long swig to steady his nerves before he spoke. 

“I like you. I do. I want to establish that so I can explain why I was so weird yesterday and why it’s not you it’s all just me and my weird crap.” He winced once he heard it out loud. He could see the disappointment on Eileen’s face and scrambled to recover. 

She reached for her purse before staring at him, “If that’s how you feel Sam Winchester I-“ 

“NO!” He interjected, perhaps a bit too loudly, attracting the attention of nearby tables. Eileen just gave him a weird look. 

“No. Eileen Leahy I do not want to break up with you.” He could hear the pleading in his voice and hoped in came through in his facial expression. 

It must have because she sat back down and motioned to let him go on. 

Sam gave her a shaky smile and realized he had to just dive into it. 

“I’m a drug addict Eileen.” Based on her facial expressions that defiantly wasn’t what she had expected to hear. “Look I’m in recovery though, that’s also not what I mean.” He assured her and reached into his pocket to show her his two year sobriety chip. 

He placed the blue disk on the table in front of them. Tentatively, she reached out to it. Sam could hear blood rushing into his ears as he watched long pale fingers pick up his chip. She held it like it was made of glass, an artifact to be studied rather than a scratched up hunk of plastic. She stared at it with the same intensity he’d just seen on display up against the Times’ crossword.

After a painful minute she handed it back to him. 

“Two years?” She asked. 

“Two years.” Sam confirmed. 

She paused, processing something. It looked like the string keeping her body’s tension high had just been cut. “So the reason you didn’t ever want to go out to get drinks was because you’re an alcoholic?” Sam could have sworn he saw relief on her face. 

“Well no, I did drink to excess but I went into rehab primarily because of,” he couldn’t believe he was about to admit it to someone else. “cocain. I mixed with the wrong kinds of people in college and it didn’t work out for me.”

Eileen laughed. 

Eileen laughed and Sam knew that this was it. He could tell he was going to cry. He needed to leave soon before he had some sort of breakdown. This perfect girl could see what was wrong with him and was about to break it off. 

Who would ever want to date some freak who can’t go to a bar? Or have a glass of wine with dinner? Who wants a health freak because he had needed something to ground himself with? 

Sam was pulled out of his thoughts by a soft hand covering his clenched fist. Sam looked up and realized he was crying. 

“I’m sorry Sam, I didn’t mean to make that sound.” His brain had short circuited and he didn’t know what she’d just said. “I was relieved Sam, I thought that you didn’t want to go out with me because of another girl, or because you wanted to break up.” 

It took a second but then it clicked. 

“Why would I want to break up with you?” He asked, genuinely perplexed. 

She smiled. “Because for the last week and a half I have asked if you wanted to get a drink and you just sort of calmed up. But it does make sense.” 

He frowned at that, which got another exasperated expression. 

“My uncle is like you. For one you’re a total health freak and now that I know this, not trying to be too forward, but can I assume that it’s one of your coping mechanisms?” She asked. 

“Yeah, you’re right about that one.” Sam admitted sheepishly. 

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m just saying that this makes sense and it doesn’t mean I see you as any less Sam.”

Now that is what pushed Sam over the edge. He cried. Hot, wet, snot filled tears started to stream down Sam’s face. After a moment his emotional flash dissipated, Eileen kept giving reassuring looks to the customers who were becoming interested in their table’s situation. 

Once he steadied, Sam looked at Eileen and spoke. “I was really scared Eileen. The last girl I told got so angry at me for keeping it a secret. She said I was a freak and told me to loose her number.” Eileen nodded, she knew he wasn’t done. “I ran with some pretty bad people. I dropped out of law school the first time. I stole from my family and betrayed their trust way too much. This one girl Ruby enabled me and hooked me up with most stuff. I just wanted to rebel against my Dad at first.” He paused. “It wasn’t until she almost died that I actually got help.” 

Eileen could tell there was a lot going unsaid but didn’t press the issue. 

Sam kept talking, the pressure on his chest was lessening. “I go to NA meetings once a week. I have a sponsor. I have a therapist who is helping me work through all my shit with my family and my drug use. I cleaned myself up and went back to law school,” He laughed a bit, “obviously you know that last part.”

Sam felt like he’s sufficiently explained himself. 

Eileen could tell she’d just been allowed to see something very few had. 

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence while Sam finished his tea. Eileen unfolded her crossword again. She made her way through six more columns before being truly stumped. Without missing a beat or the need for communication, Eileen slit the paper over to Sam and pointed to the question. He looked at it and thought for a second before nabbing her pencil and filling in the blanks. 

When he was done she smiled at him. Normally Dean’s voice would be playing in Sam’s head and calling him a nerd, but Eileen seemed to silence that part of Sam pretty quickly. 

They picked up their trash and migrated to the front door. They both lived south of the cafe so Sam offered to walk her home. 

Standing in front of her apartment building, Eileen pulled Sam down for a kiss with his collar. After a second of what can be described as buffering, Sam kissed back. 

When they were done she laughed, “That felt a bit different this time.” 

“Well I don’t have any more secrets.” He said, signing again.  
“Good.” She declared. “Okay, so lets have a proper date then. One not in public.” Sam could’ve sworn she winked at him. 

“How does next Friday work? We can go to my apartment and I can cook.” He offered. 

She grinned at that. “A man after my own heart.” She said before falling back with an exaggerated swoon. 

“It’s a date then.” He said. 

“Yep.” She said, before pulling him down for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Getting back into fic writing after like four years :)   
> Lemme know if this is a misrepresentation


End file.
